Suffering

What is it about suffering that makes us cringe, run, hide, fight, cry? The first rule of Buddhism is that life IS suffering.

It seems to me that there are different types and levels of suffering, two of which I want to address. The first is experiential suffering. The suffering that arises from an event, an accident, some external unknown that dramatically changes one life in a difficult way. A death of a friend, a hurting family member, one's own physical sickness, loss, betrayal, and disappointment.

I have spent much of my life trying to understand these events in a way that is "unattached." To look at them not in the moment but in the grander scheme of my life, my community, and my world. I thought that I could become like the saints and bodhisattvas, above this pain, that my mind could control my reaction to suffering.

I don't believe this so much any more. To suffer, to feel sadness, anger, disappointment, pain generally speaking, is human. It is us and to deny this is to deny the benefits of growth and struggle.

A second type of suffering does not come from a particular event but rather the revisiting of events or expectations about future events. It is a suffering that is not real in the present moment, a suffering that we re-live because we have not fully embraced or accepted it. Although it may sound harsh, I once heard a woman who was talking about her experience of being raped decades ago, be asked by another woman, "And how many times have you raped yourself since?" The truth was powerful and clear. We create our own suffering so much of the time.

Written more for me than for anyone else, I ask us to look at our daily thoughts, those that reach into the past or future and ask "Why?" Why am I bringing this up? How do these thoughts, fears, anxieties, regrets, old sins, and sadness serve me in this moment? My response when I am really clear is, "It doesn't."

Let us return to where we are, with whom we are, to what we are doing in the present and be. Yes, we will need time to sort through the roots of these thoughts and examine them, wrestle with them, and eventually make peace with them. But now, NOW, we should be present.

Gringo Book

Hey everyone,
I wanted to let you know that I just finished a book draft. It is called, "How to be a Conscientious Christian Gringo:12 Steps to Affecting Long-term Change in Yourself and the World."

Please feel free to read it (there is a PDF version below) and let me know what you think.

http://www.tc.umn.edu/~alani005/gringobook/index.htm

Understanding Haiti

There are no words to describe the situation in Haiti. The first
adjectives that come to mind can only help paint a verbal mosaic of
what I feel—difficulty, despair, suffering, hopelessness,
impossibility,--mixed with fight, survival, singing, international
unity, strength, belief, resilience, small successes, and hope. The
emotional swing that comes from seeing the tent cities and men
fist-fighting for a bag of rice to receiving a hug and a smile from a
child at the NPH orphanage is almost too much. I have never in all of
my travels had such drastically different experiences.

As you know, I am an optimist. I love to see the silver lining in
everything. Here in Port-au-Prince the silver lining is faint. As
one long-term French NGO worker told me, “The boat is lost. It is the
individuals, the children, the small successes that make this work
worthwhile.” I don’t know. I don’t know if the nation is a lost
cause or if it can be saved. I don’t know if the people who have the
power are willing to give up their corrupt ways, if voodoo beliefs
that divide people can be mitigated, if the international community is
willing to give the nation economic opportunities to grow, and if
Haitians are willing to work their butt off to make these changes.

What I do know is that this is the last chance for Haiti. If it is
not successful in its current development effort I believe the
international community will give up and Haiti will become a failed state like Somalia or Zimbabwe.

But I do have hope. The children of Haiti can be raised and educated
to create a different nation. There is a resiliency that must be

nurtured and there are natural resources to be developed. Indeed, as
you may know I am working with a group of professionals to build a
community of 1,200-1,500 houses, a clothing manufacturing factory, two
schools, a clinic, etc. in Jacmel, about three hours south of
Port-au-Prince. It is my hope that through an NGO-resident
partnership we can create a model community that can be replicated
throughout the country. I’ll keep you up-to-date as we progress.


I have prepared a short presentation on my experience here which I
look forward to sharing both in Minnesota and in California. I will
let you know where and when so that if you are interested you can
come.

I have also uploaded a number of photos. Please feel free to browse
through the to have a better sense of the current state of Haiti.

http://www.kodakgallery.com/gallery/creativeapps/slideShow/Main.jsp?albumId=753164907803

ak afeksyon (with affection),
ryan

A little Saint Francis

One of my favorite quotes:

"I believe the great Almsgiver will charge me with theft if I do not give what I have to one who needs it more."

--St. Francis of Assisi



This is the crucifix of San Damiano that was beloved by St. Fracis. This was taken in his hermitage cave a few kilometers uphill from the center of Assisi. The cave is in a beautiful forest with a small (now dry) creek running below.

Burning in effigy el Año Viejo

Much like the ball dropping in Time Square, Honduras and almost all Latin American countries maintain a tradition of burning an effigy of a man who symbolizes el Año Viejo (the old year). It begins about the first week in December when adolescent boys build a life-sized reproduction of a Honduran man using whatever clothes and filling they can find. The man is often overweight, drunk, smoking a cigarette and slouching with his face covered with a sombrero. They then masquerade around the mannequin requesting money from all. Adults and children alike place their one or two Lempiras (between 5 and 10 cents) in a two-liter plastic coke bottle as a gesture of support for what will happen at 12:00am on January 1^st. In this moment, el Año Viejo who had been previously stuffed with firecrackers bought with the donated funds, is lit and the symbol for all of the bad that occurred the previous years is blown up and burned. This ritual of purification that may have origins with the Romans offers those involved a powerful tool to leave the negative behind and move forward with their lives.

In this time of renewal for many faiths and cultures, we wish you and yours a successful version of Año Viejo and the joy that comes from beginning anew.

 

Peace, love, and blessings,

Ryan, Elizabeth and Santiago

Our team

I wanted to share a picture of our research team. I named our organization "Proyecto Para El Desarrollo Communitario."

From left to right we have:
Selvin, Yuny, Luis, Mario, Jessica, Nahun, Santiago and I, and Carlos.

I am so proud of the work they are doing conducting surveys and gathering information for me about the communities. I could not do this work without them.

Random Act of Kindness

Today, as Santiago and I were out on a walk to pick up trash as we do about once a week, a young couple approached us and began to ask us some questions. They were visiting from Teguc. enjoying the river in La Divina. Their questions were the usual demographic and why are you here-type questions.

Then the woman surprised me. She said, "You know we were talking about how you are an example to the rest of the community. You, a foreigner, are willing to do something that the community itself is not willing to do. Your picking up trash makes people reflect on what they do with their garbage and why."

I was taken aback for a moment. I indeed did want the community to stop throwing trash on the ground and had hoped that if they saw a clean path, perhaps they would refrain from the practice. However, I didn't realize that my position as a foreigner reiterated the point.

I am glad to pick up garbage (at least for now) as it gives me a chance to chat with Santiago, it gets me outside, and we are doing something positive for the world however small and perhaps unsuccessful (in terms of long-term change) it might be. In fact, the activity gives me a sense of peace and joy. No, it is not breaking down structures of inequality or the matrix of domination that maintains suffering, but, damn it, it is something concrete that on our walk tomorrow I can smile about.

I guess I am finding that I need to have a little bit of both--critiquing practices of injustice while also offering solutions AND doing small random acts of kindness.