Suffering

What is it about suffering that makes us cringe, run, hide, fight, cry? The first rule of Buddhism is that life IS suffering.

It seems to me that there are different types and levels of suffering, two of which I want to address. The first is experiential suffering. The suffering that arises from an event, an accident, some external unknown that dramatically changes one life in a difficult way. A death of a friend, a hurting family member, one's own physical sickness, loss, betrayal, and disappointment.

I have spent much of my life trying to understand these events in a way that is "unattached." To look at them not in the moment but in the grander scheme of my life, my community, and my world. I thought that I could become like the saints and bodhisattvas, above this pain, that my mind could control my reaction to suffering.

I don't believe this so much any more. To suffer, to feel sadness, anger, disappointment, pain generally speaking, is human. It is us and to deny this is to deny the benefits of growth and struggle.

A second type of suffering does not come from a particular event but rather the revisiting of events or expectations about future events. It is a suffering that is not real in the present moment, a suffering that we re-live because we have not fully embraced or accepted it. Although it may sound harsh, I once heard a woman who was talking about her experience of being raped decades ago, be asked by another woman, "And how many times have you raped yourself since?" The truth was powerful and clear. We create our own suffering so much of the time.

Written more for me than for anyone else, I ask us to look at our daily thoughts, those that reach into the past or future and ask "Why?" Why am I bringing this up? How do these thoughts, fears, anxieties, regrets, old sins, and sadness serve me in this moment? My response when I am really clear is, "It doesn't."

Let us return to where we are, with whom we are, to what we are doing in the present and be. Yes, we will need time to sort through the roots of these thoughts and examine them, wrestle with them, and eventually make peace with them. But now, NOW, we should be present.

Random Act of Kindness

Today, as Santiago and I were out on a walk to pick up trash as we do about once a week, a young couple approached us and began to ask us some questions. They were visiting from Teguc. enjoying the river in La Divina. Their questions were the usual demographic and why are you here-type questions.

Then the woman surprised me. She said, "You know we were talking about how you are an example to the rest of the community. You, a foreigner, are willing to do something that the community itself is not willing to do. Your picking up trash makes people reflect on what they do with their garbage and why."

I was taken aback for a moment. I indeed did want the community to stop throwing trash on the ground and had hoped that if they saw a clean path, perhaps they would refrain from the practice. However, I didn't realize that my position as a foreigner reiterated the point.

I am glad to pick up garbage (at least for now) as it gives me a chance to chat with Santiago, it gets me outside, and we are doing something positive for the world however small and perhaps unsuccessful (in terms of long-term change) it might be. In fact, the activity gives me a sense of peace and joy. No, it is not breaking down structures of inequality or the matrix of domination that maintains suffering, but, damn it, it is something concrete that on our walk tomorrow I can smile about.

I guess I am finding that I need to have a little bit of both--critiquing practices of injustice while also offering solutions AND doing small random acts of kindness.

Fundamental imbalance

"Following James Wolfensohn, the ex-president of the World Bank, there exists a 'fundamental imbalance,' the world spends 900 billion dollars on defense, 325 billion dollars on agriculture subsidies, and only between 50 and 60 billion dollars on development aid."
From a UNDP study on crime in Honduras



Según James Wolfensohn, ex presidente del Banco Mundial, existe un “desequilibrio fundamental”, el mundo gasta 900 mil millones de dólares en defensa, unos 325 mil millones de dólares en subvenciones a la agricultura y sólo entre 50 y 60 mil millones de dólares en ayudas al desarrollo. IANSA - www.armasbajocontrol.org

We plant the seeds that one day grow

The picture above is the bedroom of Archbishop of El Salvador Oscar Romero when he was murdered in 1981. The second picture is of a friend, Erick, a Franciscan friar standing in front of the late Archbishop's grave. Romero's story is a beautiful one of conversion and sacrifice for the poor. Indeed, activists throughout Latin America continue to call on his spirit for inspiration.

I do the same below, citing one of his most famous homilies.

“It helps, now and then, to step back and take a long view. The kingdom is not only beyond our efforts, it is even beyond our vision. We accomplish in our lifetime only a tiny fraction of the magnificent enterprise that is God’s work.
Nothing we do is complete, which is a way of saying that the kingdom always lies beyond us…We plant the seeds that one day will grow. We water seeds already planted, knowing that they hold future promise. We lay foundations that will need further development. We provide yeast that produces far beyond our capabilities.
We cannot do everything, and there is a sense of liberation in realizing that. This enables us to do something, and to do it very well. It may be incomplete, but it is a beginning, a step along the way, an opportunity for the Lord’s grace to enter and do the rest.
We may never see the end results, but that is the difference between the master builder and the worker. We are workers, not master builders; ministers, not messiahs. We are prophets of a future not our own.”

When in doubt

"Whenever you are in doubt, apply the following test: recall the face of the poorest and weakest person you may have seen and ask yourself if the step you contemplate is going to be of any use to them."
--Mahatma Gandhi

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world"

So what does it mean to be the change you wish to see in the world? I think it is simple. If you do not want hate around you, then do not hate. If you do not want poverty and hungry children, then share your wealth. If you want peace, find peace within yourself, in your family, and in your community.

It is easy to want the world to be better. The hard part is turning the thoughts into positive actions.

Neutrality as an impossibility

For as long as I can remember I have been told that there is an objective and neutral "truth" out there. Scientists are supposed to discover this truth and share it with the world. Employers, legislators, bureaucrats, teachers, and parents are also supposed to have this objectivity/neutrality toward their subordinates in deciding who gets the job, who benefits from a government program, what grades students receive for their efforts, etc.

Unfortunately, we live in a subjective world. All of our social choices are influenced by thousands of factors making any decision neutrality impossible. Our thoughts and actions cannot be neutral! What this means on a practical level is that every one of our decisions will have either a positive or negative impact on the world.

So, if now you realize that everything you do, every thought you have in passing will change the world in some way, what kind of world are you building?